punkrockmamma

I don’t know about you, but when i awoke this morning i just really wanted to kill myself. Mornings are the worst. I think some pretty fucked up thoughts for the first hour after i open my eyes. I mean, i’ve always been a little dark, but since i’ve been pregnant i’ve been utterly morbid. If i don’t get to watch Spongebob Squarepants for at least an hour in the morning, i want to kill things…people…you know… whatever’s alive and within reach. I’m still trying to come to terms with the fact that i’m  going to have a baby, that i’m going to be a mother. I don’t have any money, a job, a man, or a place to go, but i’m going to be responsible for a completely helpless, tiny human being? Yeah, that’s just fucking wonderful. My tummy is swelling quite rapidly, which is frightening. My boobs are huge. HUGE. I have to pee every twenty minutes, whether i’ve had something to drink or not.  I keep dropping/breaking things (i really hope that symptom subsides after i have the little bugger) Seriously though, the physical symptoms of my pregnancy do not compare to the mental/emotional state this pregnancy has put me in. I feel trapped and anxiety-ridden…ALL DAY LONG, DAY AFTER DAY, even in my dreams, which is why i usually wake up with an urge to DESTROY! i gotta go, Spongebob’s on.

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